As I sit down to write a reflection on Find Me Unafraid, I feel that it is an incredibly daunting task. I recently finished the book, and in all honesty, I think I will be processing it for many weeks to come. It has inspired me to sit with a multitude of topics that have brought up so many emotions within me. Although I think that capturing my thoughts and feelings about this text may be challenging, I will do my best in this reflection to highlight some moments and themes that stood out to me. I was incredibly moved by this story. While reading, I was consumed by the tangibility of Jessica’s and Kennedy’s lives within the context of Wesleyan. The story felt incredibly close in a way that many such narratives do not. Kennedy’s story was beyond inspirational– I cannot think of a word that captures the perseverance demonstrated in his words. I was also repeatedly shocked by his empathy.
After going through such trauma and hardship, Kennedy proved to be forgiving and kind in instances when others would turn to violence. I think of one specific instance in chapter 15. During construction on the girls school in Kibera, men entered the site looking to harm Kennedy. In the violence that ensued, one of the attacking men was injured. Kennedy paid for him to be taken to the hospital. When asked why he did this, he explained that poverty can make people do crazy things. “The next day, the attackers come back to apologize to Kennedy and admit they have been paid to cause trouble. A few days after that, they show up to help with the building” (255). I was truly moved by the way Kennedy treated others after growing up in a world that fostered such anger and pain. His ability to cultivate goodness in others was what allowed him to create real lasting change in his community. This served as an important reminder that large change often begins with smaller moments of kindness and empathy.
Along with the beautiful and inspiring moments that were highlighted in their story, there were also many moments that were challenging to read and process. Hearing about the abuse, assault, and rape faced by so many children and women in the Kiberan community was heartbreaking. I think that the personal stories, while highly saddening, were important to the impact of the book. I appreciated that they didn’t censor their story for an audience that might be uncomfortable with facing such realities. One moment that stuck out to me was Jessica’s explanation of Baba Julie’s role in the foundation- how he fought for his daughter who had been assaulted as well as other girls similarly victimized: “Mario, one of our case workers, and Baba Julie, who still worked in the gender department, heard a story about a nine-year-old girl who had been locked in a house for a weekend and raped repeatedly. Without fear for their own safety, they charged in the house, breaking down the door… “ (321). Stories like this made me reflect on the immense privilege I have grown up with– of never having to worry about my safety or survival in any comparable way.
Beyond this story of Baba Julie, there were a multitude of moments within this text that made me deeply aware of and grateful for the privileges I have been handed in life. Like Kennedy states in the book, I have these privileges because when I was born, I got lucky, not because I am any more deserving of them than anyone else. That sheer inequality makes me feel angry and guilty. But as Kennedy also states, guilt is a privilege. One recurring theme in the text is invisibility and visibility. Kennedy explains that in Kenya, poverty makes people invisible. They are not offered aid of any kind, they are dehumanized, they must exist within a system that fosters violence and oppression among themselves (I think specifically of the police system, how one’s interactions with the police depend entirely on how much money they have). In my life, I have never felt invisible. I have always felt supported and seen by people in my family and greater community, even during difficult parts of my life. This book was an important reminder that to walk in a world and feel like it is conducive to your success and wellbeing is an immense privilege that others are not afforded.
From an “intercultural competence” perspective, the book raised so many important questions. I think for a lot of the text, I sat with a feeling of discomfort and unsuredness. Did Jessica approach her work the right way? Was it her place to take such an active role in a community that she had only recently become involved with? There were many instances, for example, when she had her hair traditionally braided in Kennedy’s village, that inspired me to think more deeply about Jessica’s role in the story. In the United States, to have your hair braided as a white person is understood by most to be cultural appropriation. However in the context of Kennedy’s village, she was accepting an offer from people who were excited to share a part of their culture with her. One of my friend’s was flipping through the book and looking at the included images and saw the picture of Jessica’s braided hair. She was horrified, thinking that a white woman (probably motivated by white saviorism) had journeyed to Africa and had her hair braided with little regard to its meanings or cultural significance. I completely understood her initial reaction, and explained that it was more complicated than that, and I was still working through my feelings about it.
I think the ideas of acceptance and rejection within another culture are really important. It can be hard to know what to accept from someone within a foreign community as an outsider. Oftentimes, the foreigner rejects an offering out of respect (they think it would be disrespectful to accept a gift or act, especially if it comes from someone less privileged than themselves). However, as explained in the book, those offerings often come out of a place of pride and kindness, and it can be important to accept as an act of gratitude (I think of the tea in plastic cups offered to Jessica by one of the mothers at the girls school.
One question I am very interested in while processing this book is the following: Since most people don’t find the loves of their lives during study abroad, how might the story have ended differently had Jessica and Kennedy not fallen in love? I will end my reflection with this question, as I think it is an important one, and one that I will continue to consider in the future. I try to imagine the story without the aspect of their love, and I have a difficult time. I think my initial reaction to this alternate ending is one of discomfort. Without the element of their relationship and marriage, it feels more like the standard “white person inserting themselves into a community that they do not fully understand” trope. It is in some ways difficult to imagine Jessica in such a prominent role without her romantic connection to Kennedy. My issue is that without her love for Kennedy, Jessica would not have stayed. Although her study abroad experience was incredibly impactful, and her desire to aid the people of Kibera was very strong, it does not seem like she would have returned if she hadn’t felt the romantic aspect. A lot of the long impact change that was made (that grew out of the school for girls) emerged from Kennedy’s connections at Wesleyan– that were made possible through Jessica. Once again this success is in large part attributed to their love. I think that this dynamic, while beautiful in the context of their story, is in many ways problematic– in a way placing the power in the hands of a foreigner when it should be in the hands of the community.
In conclusion, I found this book to be very moving. One of the lasting impressions from the text is that change is possible. It can begin anywhere, even from a twenty cent football, and grow into something that can change lives and communities. Sometimes such large scale change can seem daunting, or even impossible. What Kennedy and Jessica did was prove that can emerge from small moments, small organizations, small acts of kindness, small vessels of hope. I think that within the context of our class, this idea is crucial. When approached in the right way, global relationships can allow for authentic development towards a more equitable and just world.
